Since I've been on medical leave from my job I've had time to think about how much of a toll my job has taken on me since I began 15 years ago. I don't really know where the time went, but I doubt if I can manage another 15 years of stress. Besides, when I began working as a social worker it was only supposed to be a 3 year stint. Steady income, great benefits, the illusion of job security all got in the way. No wonder my colleagues chuckled when I voiced my plans to leave in 3 years.I'm once again pondering just what do I really want to do. The answer is: I don't really know. I only know what I don't want to do. That is empty, frustrating, and pathetic. It's unacceptable. I want to fill that negative space with a positive response. I want to know what it is that I would like to do.
I know what I've enjoyed in the past and what has given me fulfillment and purpose. However, I have changed. In addition, I feel compartmentalized and for me that's never a good thing. It takes too much work for me to live this way. I feel incomplete. Although I am in no way ready to begin working again so there is no real hurry. Maybe I'm feeling this way because I haven't worked in 7 months.
I was given a gently reminder that it is good to rest, to re-evaluate, to regroup. Working myself to an early grave or to the point of collapse is NOT an honorable quality. I'm not in that camp anymore, but I do have scars from my previous mindset and lifestyle.
I'm once again considering what do I enjoy, what brings me fulfillment so much so that I would do it free. I just don't know. Right now I would be happy to be able to read a book again. When I ask what would I do for no salary, the answer is lying on a beach in the Mediterranean and reading.
7 comments:
HD,
I worked for 18 years straight. The agency that I worked for collapsed under a financial scandal.
I had the option to continue on with an alternative agency or take a lay off. I took the lay off for a year. It was the best thing that I have done for myself for a long time. I had the opportunity to Re-Up as a person.
I think that it is not unusual for productive people to feel that sense of needing or wanting to do something. I hit the same mental point that you are currently facing. What to do? I studied about that for awhile. I am still studying about it, even though I am currently working in a classroom again.
There's a lot of good advice available on this topic. I found a lot on Yahoo. I am still thinking and trying to decide if I want to do something different. Teaching is stressful to the max.
My best advice is to pray over it. God graces us with answers to our questions.
Until you're really ready to make that move-enjoy and relish every moment of you Re-Up time.
HD,
I really feel your post. Like you, I'm not sure what it is I really want to do. I have ideas but nothing concrete. I'm grateful that I don't absolutely have to work right now so I can figure things out. I'm happy you're in no hurry!! And I know you'll realize what it is you really want to do soon enough.
I love your new blog format. Pink and brown together has to be one of my favorite color combos! :)
You're in the chasm of transition, but I propose it's nothing to stress over. Merely to be in this season and allow God to minister to your heart. A time of healing and refreshing.
It sounds as if you may go in a whole other direction where passion will fuel the motivation.
Success and peace to you, knowing "all is well."
Thanks for "listening" ladies. I'm open to what Spirit has in store for me. It seems that right now I'm doing just what I need to be doing - healing.
I feel for you.
Hey there HD,
I think that is the best question for us to ask:
"If money was not a factor AT ALL, what would we like to spend our days doing?"
This will reveal to us what our deepest passion actually consists of...
My thoughts and prayers are with you.I can truly empathize because I am going through the same thing. I have spent 22 years in a job I sort of fell into only to be downsized to part time and trying to figure out what I really want to do when I grow up so I can move on. Blogging has been a therapeutic savior to me at this confusing time, but I can't pay my mortgage with it ...or can I?
Have a beautiful summer my dear.
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